Tuesday, December 30, 2008

of the gut and the heart


As I approach the California/Arizona border, a collective of saguaro cacti flags me from the mountainside near the freeway, turning their hands up at Vanta C as if trying to stop me. "Wait! You can't leave us; you've only just arrived!" they implore. As I continue to drive westward, they grow taller and more resigned to their despair, helplessly tossing up their arms as if to say, "Well, you seem to have made up your mind; nothing I can do to stop you. Fine, then. Go."

And all I can do is smile and wink and tell Ralgh to join me as I wave goodbye.

It happened in Austin. Like the past few months of my Vantasy, I listened to my gut, allowing it to tell me when it was time to leave a town and move on. Only this time, it said, "go home, Eva. It's time." And it was time. I had $1800 left, which would be even less after paying for gas from Texas to Portland. I didn't want to return and have to acquire credit card debt. I was ready to get back to work. I missed the structure of having a job, and the discipline involved in doing good work.

And I desperately missed my dear friend, Trina. I missed our Jazzercise, coffee, and quiche habit, but mostly I missed our time of talking for hours and hours. We have the ability to talk forever; we are thoroughly engaged in each others lives, but also gab about women's issues and existential philosophies.

So I began the drive home. Straight across New Mexico and Arizona, waving at cacti, turning right at LA and flying up I-5 toward Portland.




8 comments:

Cija said...

I am so excited your on your way back. I have missed you. I will be watching your blog to see when you arrive.

Shannon said...

Love!! Yay love!!! I love you! I promise you crotchos and hummers and as many beverages as it takes to hear your tales once you arrive.

Trina said...

I love you Eva!!

Rachel Tamed said...

You're coming home!!! I am so excited to get to know the new you.

Rachel Tamed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LiveWorkDream said...

Eva, I'm so proud of you! What a studdette you've been throughout this whole journey. Congratulations on living by the seat of your pants and surviving. You rock! Give Cija a hug for me.

Sara said...

Oh girl...I totally almost cried reading this. Yay for love! Yay for home! Yay for friends! This journey will live on in your heart forever as one that changed you, molded you, beat you, angered you, encouraged you, and most of all...thrilled you again and again at every turn. I hope that our paths will cross again someday, but I wish you the very best in life. xxoo

Anonymous said...

Eva, I had an epiphany the other night, which led me to your blog. Sell my house, upgrade my travel van, grab my dog, Vinny, and take off on an adventure. I'm 54, on the heels of 55, and I thought, what the hell. My kids are grown, I'm single again and my job is less than satisfactory (even though I consider myself blessed to even have one these days). Now, I don't know if I'll actually follow through with this... so many things could trip me up. BUT, and this is the crux of my rambling, I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your blog. Finally someone I can identify with! You truly should publish these writings. I'm so afraid that you'll take them off before I finish..... Hope your world is full of fresh new adventures. Keep writing. DebnSLO