Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Today I'm sad

Today I'm sad. Having my first real bout of homesickness.

I'm spending all of my money. I'm isolating myself from people I love. I want to go to brunch at the Screen Door; have a frittata and a Spanish coffee. I wish I had a job. I miss knowing my way around town and smiling at familiar faces. I miss sweating at Julie's Jazzercise class with Trina. Yes, I said Jazzercise!

I miss having a drink with Kyle at Veritable Quandary after work. I miss riding my bike all around town and building my fixed-gear.

I miss the people I love. I miss my mates. I miss having a working refrigerator and a shower I can stand up in. I miss pizza any night of the week. I miss watching videos on my couch. I miss the brunches. God, I miss the long, luxurious brunches followed by long, luxurious naps.

I miss the coffee breaks with my friends, and karaoke with my workmates. I miss Heidi at Ralgh's store MEAT across the street from my house. I even miss the cranky Portland hip kids.

And I want a kitten. And I can't get a kitten until I have a home and a job.

I miss my bed. And I miss having a man in my bed.

Today's a day for missing things. Don't worry about me, though. I'll be better tomorrow.


Trina said...

Oh Eva, I'm not worried about you, but I certainly am missing you! Portland isn't the same without you!

John Judy said...

We miss you too, but we'll be here when the adventure ends.

Sara said...

Oh....I hear ya! Even though I have many more creature comforts in my traveling home, I've felt those same feelings. There is always a trade off...you lose those familiar things, but you gain so much more. New experiences, new independence, new friends, good food. Hang in there...it's all worth it! And it makes all of those things you're missing all the sweeter when you have them again. xxoo

Shannon said...

giant hug.

LiveWorkDream said...

What Sara said . . .

I'm so sorry you feel bad, but girl, I know you'll pull yourself up and out of this funk.

When I first hit the road, and the novelty was wearing a bit thin, I started to miss our friends and the connections we built up over 10 years. Especially when times got rough, or I was worried about money.

But the more I realized that the adventures, and my personal growth that came about because of them, were slowly making up for the routines that I was missing, I gradually started to let go of the thought that we would probably return to Humboldt. There's so much more to see and do out there, we just don't have time to get bogged down by those routines again, and the same ol' same ol'.

It's always great to know that you have friends out there that love you and have a place for you to go home to, if you want to, but for now, keep pushing yourself, keep on looking at the adventures you're having, all those people and places you wouldn't have encountered if you were sleeping in on a Sunday.

Sure, I got me a traveling partner/husband, but there are limitations to that too. As a solo traveler, you have SO much freedom to do as you please. Enjoy it!

I know you can do it!

Anonymous said...

You'll get used to it eventually. I'm still trying to get used to it. The constant sayng of goodbyes... when I was in Reno recently I clung to everything that reminded me of something familiar. It's natural. I'm proud of you. You are on an amazing adventure and will learn so much from it. FEEL all these feelings. That's when you will learn the most.

Rachel Tamed said...

I was at the Lotus last night, and sitting right next to the employee of the year sign for a certain "Eva Darling" Home is sick for you, too!

Kurt said...

Hi, Eva. You've got quite a fan club! I made it to Salina and enjoyed a light-hearted but thought-provoking conference. Then I headed up to Lincoln and spent two days with my old buddy from grad school, doing my best to lower his moral standards. I took the train home and now am back in Boulder.

I know you'll continue to have a great trip, and thanks for hanging out with me in Beloit.

Kev said...

We are close to two years on the road now. I think I have ended up with the opposite problem - road sick. When we are back in San Jose for a while, I get itching for the road again. It is great hanging out with life-long friends, family, going to our favorite sushi hut. However, it is still the place I left, and I can't wait to get back on the road for the next adventure.

Embrace your sadness, as it won't last long. After all, we can't ALWAYS have rays of sunshine shooting out of our butts!!

Loves and Hugs -


Jerry said...

Please don't be sad. There's way too much of that going around right now. Smell Ralph's butt for me ...