Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I'm right.

Last night, after a couple of drinks with one of my Salt Lake City "friends", I went back to my van in an intense emotional state. And cried.

Because the man I was hanging out with told me that I was "annoying" and that he wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore if I didn't stop "giving him shit." When this topic first arose, I tried listening, clarifying, thinking... Surely this was a misunderstanding! Growing up with a bazillion siblings, I know that my humor often leans toward the "giving people shit" end of the spectrum, but I also know that this sort of humor can only be used on a certain type of victim: someone who can dish it out.

I'm proud of myself, because I stood my ground. I took my own side first instead of blindly believing what he said. But it's not often that people deal out feedback like his, so after I got to my van I had to contemplate it. Was I annoying? Did I say something that I shouldn't have? Do more people think this about me but never say anything?

In the end I still take my own side. The information he gave me was useful, but I'm going to stand by my behaviors because I know I'm a good person. If I made a mistake, it was in misreading his personality. While I'll consider what he said, I'm going to stay allied with myself, because I'm all I've got out here. If I don't support and stand by myself, who will? I can't let someone else's opinion of me determine how I feel about the sexy, fabulous, adventurous and brave Eva Darling.


My three biggest fans:

Me


Myself


I


Aggggggh. I notice that, on the road, I experience every emotion to the extreme. When I'm happy, I'm WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO happy. When I'm sad, I'm in the pits of desperation. I could start my own X-games competition for X-treme emotional outpouring. I'd hold my own against menopausal women and schizophrenics. I could set records for manic moods...





9 comments:

Cija said...

Eva, I love your personality. Don't let some schmo in a bar make you question what a wonderful person you are. Yes it is about being able to dish it out too and it sounds like maybe he was a bit too sensitive. You know I would tell you if you were annoying ;0)

I love you and hope your journey is bringing everything you could want or need (sometimes the need part is stuff we didn't know we needed).

Trina said...

Can I at least be your fourth biggest fan? I think that "friend" is a waste of your time, but it sounds like you know that. I guess it's okay to think about what he said, but it's only one person's opinion. Personally, I can't imagine anyone thinking you're annoying, you are the funnest, most hilarious person I know. I've never had a bad time with you. Every time I know I'm about to have Eva time, I can't wait for it to start and never want it to end. But that's just my opinion.

Shannon said...

um... you are fabulous. and quirky and awesome and a shit-giver. not all of us are meant to get along with all the rest of us. also, he may have thought you were annoying (although i have no idea how) but after that time he spent with you, maybe he went home and cried too. or reflected, or learned, or thought about something he hadn't thought about before.

John Judy said...

Maybe you were giving him a lot of shit because there was a lot of shit to give? "If you don't stop making fun of me, I'm going to stop talking to you and go home to my animes! My mom and my sailor moon doll would never talk to me like that!" Douche.

The only thing wrong with you is you sometimes hang out with pussies who can't take a joke.

Oh, that and you're annoying.... But besides that nothing.

justcruzn said...

Yeah, just be yourself.

rach said...

You've got lotsa fans babe...all over damn world!

I.Sirius said...

Some advice I gave my little sister once comes to mind when she was having trouble with a boy. I seem to remember suggesting she tell the boy to "GET FARKED"! Or words to that affect.

Safe travels lone camper.

MANDA said...

Don't forget me! I'm one of your biggest fans, too!!!

Jeanie said...

You are not annoying. Well, you might be annoying to some douchebag who wants you to kneel before him like a supplicant at a douche altar.